Monday, December 14, 2009

How To Live Longer :)

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

2. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink whatever you like. Speaking English is what kills you.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

UP :)

English is a difficult language!

Lovers of the English language enjoy this. It is an example of why people learning English have trouble. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language.

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word,
and that word is
'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand
UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning,
why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP
for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir
UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP
excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed
UP is special.
And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open
UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of
UP, look up
the word UP
in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are
UP
to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP
a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding
UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets
UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it
UP , for now ........my time is UP.
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

U P

Don't screw
up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book...


Now I'll shut
up

You can find more funny texts like this on the website Laugh 'n Learn.